1 Yr Old Can Not Resettle
Hi Angela
A very warm welcome to Netmums 
and thank you for your post 
I am glad you have found this thread useful but it is quite an old thread now. You may want to start a new thread of your own.
How are things going?
Your HV is quite right in what she says it is a learnt behaviour. Any change in their routine or illness can disrupt sleep patterns and trigger a sleep issue, however it is our response to the behaviour that can maintain it. It is important to understand how we respond to these night wakings can inadvertently reward them and encourage it by paying lots of attention to them. Behaviour that is ignored decreases, in other words what we pay attention to is what we get more of. The idea is to ignore the behavior but not the needs that may lie behind the behaviour? Is this night time behavior a bid for your attention do you think? Is he getting plenty of quality one-to-one attention from you in the day?
Sadly we can't prevent children waking at night; we all wake regularly during the night. The trick is to teach them to go back to sleep without disturbing you and check you are not rewarding this waking by paying a lot of attention to it! All of the programmes below can be used at bedtimes as well as during the night.
I have listed all the different sleep coaching programmes you can use for bed times, nap times and during the night below there is a step by step guide on how to use them all here Sleep techniques for babies | Sleep training - Netmums. The most important thing is to choose a programme that suits your parenting style and that you feel comfortable with and can stick to as consistency, calmness and firmness are vital to success.
• 'No cry' learning to sleep see here The 'no cry' approach & Co Sleeping - Netmums
• Controlled checking see here Controlled crying techniques - Netmums
• 'Pick up/Put down' see here Pick up and put down method - Netmums
• 'Gradual retreat' (a gentle alternative apporach if you do not want to use controlled crying) see here Gradual retreat - Netmums
Cry it out and controlled checking are very different and we would not recommend cry it out as this involves leaving a child to cry unattended to. Controlled crying can only be used for children over 6 months old. See the link above on how to use controlled checking effectively.
Once you start a sleep programme it is a good idea to keep a sleep dairy to monitor progress. It may also be a good idea to keep a sleep diary. You can download one off the Netmums sleep advice pages here Baby Sleep | Baby sleep patterns - Netmums It is in the 3rd paragraph next to the smiling lady on the page. This way you can keep track of what is happening and of your progress.
Be prepared controlled checking can take up to 2 weeks to work and they can cry for a long time the when you first use it (yes it can be hours 
) the gentler sleep programmes take longer to work 4-6 weeks so you need to firm and focussed otherwise you will sabotage yourself. However this approach is not for everyone and once you start it you have to stick to it. If you give in after 2 or 3 hours of crying you just give the child a lesson in persistence and teach them if they cry for long enough you will give in.
You will need to be very firm. calm and consistent and you may have to battle through the first few days and nights but after 3-5 days and night you should start to see an improvement. Be prepared it can get worse before it gets better. If after 2 weeks of controlled crying you have not seen any improvement then try another pro gramme as controlled checking is not working.
Controlled checking does not prevent them from crying but the fact you are returning at frequent intervals reassures them that they have not been abandoned and are bring attended to and their sense of security is reinforced by your presence. The crying may intensify when you return or leave as they will be disappointed you have not given in to their behaviour, do not let this prevent you from checking them at regular intervals even though it may feel it is making the situation worse.
Just to reassure about the use of controlled crying the latest research at the Harvard Centre on the Developing Child has found it is not harmful if used appropriately. See here Toxic Stress: The Facts to see the website of the Harvard Centre for the developing child.
Sleep coaching methods may fail for several reasons but the main one is because they have not been followed correctly or that they have not been done for long enough and in a consistent way.
This document here http://www.nct.org.uk/sites/de [...] iour_5.pdf gives a helpful overview of the research on this.
You may find this link helpful Self soothing or settling - Netmums on ways you can encourage self soothing.
Best wishes
Maggie :hug::hug:
Source: https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/drop-clinic-984/sleep-988/689667-back-square-one-1-year-old-waking-night-wont-settle.html